Attention All SMRTies! New SMRTiversary Contest!

[Stoned Immaculate]

Okay, it's gonna be hard to compete with the frontrunners at this point, dale and BF, whom I admire and respect greatly, but I'll give it a shot. Now, I don't have the relationship with you that these two hilarious gentlemen have been fortunate to have with you, they have a two year headstart. So, I will take a page out of ray comfort's playbook, and I'm going to lie, that's right, I'm going to lie my ass off to get what I want from you. Pardon me, that is to say, I'm going to lie my perfectly shapen, chiseled ass off to get what I want from you.

You see Wee, I have what doctors call Comfomianoconjunctivitis. And what that is is a rare disease, don't bother looking it up I beg you, it's a rare disease that causes me to lose all bodily functions, my eyes and ears bleed, my left leg falls asleep so I walk in a circle, I have songs by the band Creed playing in my head at all times, my credit score dips a couple hundred points(true story btw, my identity was stolen a few years back and my credit score actually went UP), and the only thoughts that my brain has are "get rich quick" schemes that are terrible. For instance, I know a guy who had Comfomianoconjunctivitis who went broke trying to push condoms that came with coupons for Gerber.

So you see, I'm in a bad spot. But the good news is the disease is easy to forecast. It just so happens that I know the exact date I will be stricken with this horrible disease, you guessed it, JANUARY 1st 2011! My doctor, Lando Calrissian, said the only preventative measure I can take is to read doggerel made in my honor by a beautiful Canadian woman. So, please, spare me this unfortunate fate, you're my only hope!!!

[E-lad]

Uh oh Ben, we're in trouble.. That was very nice SI. Imaginative and all, but the talented and benevolent Weemaryanne surely wouldn't deny an old lonely gentleman with a foot in the grave a last wish for an immortality of sorts.
Surely she's much more kindly than to let said ol timer perish of grief and despair. Right Wee?

[Benjamin Franklin]

My doctor, Lando Calrissian, said the only preventative measure I can take is to ...

Maybe you should see my doctor, Dr Vinnie Boombatz.
The only problem is he doesn't respect me. No respect at all.
When I was born, he slapped my mother.


mmm, Tough crowd!

[Stoned Immaculate]

My doctor, Lando Calrissian, said the only preventative measure I can take is to ...

Maybe you should see my doctor, Dr Vinnie Boombatz.
The only problem is he doesn't respect me. No respect at all.
When I was born, he slapped my mother.


mmm, Tough crowd!

Hey but seriously, it's easy to make my wife scream during sex...I just wipe my dick on the curtains.